Saturday, 30 November 2013

░▒▓█ A River of Blood

With my neutral gratitude to the dependents around the world the drop was partly reinstated yesterday. Since the river was vacant I decided to fill it in with red, the People's Blood.Whether it is clean or dirty I will leave it to your judgment. Swimming fees remain undecided and negotiable.

"The example when Italy, drenched with blood, never touched a hair on the head of Sulla who had graciously poured forth that blood (free of charge): Sulla enjoyed a god-like status for the might in him, but his fearless return to Italy made him appear sacred and invincible.

The people do not lay a finger on someone who hypnotizes them by his daring and mental strength."

Such a cute and fat authoritarian ruler and math and chess and spelling wizard I confess.

His kindergarten graduate writings, swapped sticker books, grotesque alien paintings and barked archives about him and his thoughts have largely been lost in the quicksands of time, and only the memory of his massive bloodletting and then grandiose retirement when he fell prey to illness and old age remained etched in world history, that Yeltsin, Mahathir and Castro in sequential order followed a millennium later with the first two only voluntarily relinquishing power on the lost electorate.

Humans often need control for a better world. Because of their scant understanding of the political they often do not know what is good for them. It's the truth!

Friday, 29 November 2013

░▒▓█ My Heartfelt Alpha Advice to an Asian Joan of Arc Cosplayer

After hearing of little tigeress you whining about your hurt that became breaking news since your spectacular but disturbing roaring in the last People's Elections years ago - a splendid piece of action but it expectedly failed to win the tide over the state-enforced "angelic" incumbents - an alpha male like me can't help having but a few things to say.

You are judged more by what you do in the spotlight which is not irritating but natural, for competent professionals exist by the number and there's nothing really outstanding about it. If I wanted to date you then maybe I'll explore your duality, but you're not that hot from what I've seen of you actually so it's hard for me to inspire any interest or motivation to do so. Yeah speaking of generality juvenile women like to think of men as unworthy if they don't make the effort to go after them, but in reality they should look at themselves and their value first to justify this expense of time, like mine for example. In short: give me a good reason for this scenario. If they are impotent of getting hints and self-evaluate, then of course the bitter-medicine truth should be told and shared with them for their own good in a not-for-profit exercise. It's that simple.

You complain about meeting the common people in their humble government housing projects and having to say the same things like reading right off a script and being on brain-dead mode, but isn't this what sales is about? Catering to the entire market including the lower and lowest common denominators? Is this your first day on the job? You're probably too idealistic (immature) to take it up, and winning the People's Great and Eternal Love as a rebel against the perceived dutiful forces of darkness is much more work than you think. You're an interest-generating new face on the block but you really need patience and open-mindedness among other things. You've forgotten your most basic genetic need to serve which makes you look too feministic and unladylike. Shame on you.

You gave support for a suspicious candidate to sit in the ever-Holy atheist Palace without first gathering your instinct and facts about him and his party and now you complain about it. You are after all, a tired-but-true example of the typical brainless liberal islander but since he failed to take up residence much less enjoy the interior trappings then you shouldn't regret it so much.

You rail against having to look good on demand every time from your chosen station in your life, and from your grumble about not having the full technical expertise or at least surface knowledge of it in numerous press conferences you were required to attend and do the show-and-tell as part of your vocation it just shows that while you may be a good worker but you are hardly charismatic nor are you a good or convincing speaker. 'Artifice' may be a soft-landing alternative to 'novice', but under all circumstances you should still be strong and push on. This is how legends are made.  

You mentioned those death and even rape threats sent to you from those useless exploitable rear-admirers of the politically-confirmed... I'm not saying you shouldn't be concerned at all but seriously, how could you be overly worried about those worthless, ugly and expendable automatons who just yak like stupid animals and whose forgettable existence don't matter to anybody? That southern decay you're in happens to be a Confucian-led society persisting in this modern day and for a female rebel to come forth all of a sudden and unannounced she should be open to all possible outcomes, and take measures to protect herself instead of just complaining all day long. You refused to bring the pre-puberty rear-kissing offenders to the police for reasons of political positioning, personal compassion or whatever, but you should still protect yourself if they go overboard.

Anyhow you should honestly spend this period of time rethinking your priorities in life. Priority versus ability. The political arena isn't a fun place to be - nobody proclaimed otherwise - and there is a reason as to why a certain age is required for some related positions in many countries. You have to know after a series of tests whether you are meant for it or not. All the best to you and your family, and take care. Of yourself and them.

Systems override individuals.

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

░▒▓█ Mental People: The 13 (Eerie) Things They Prefer

* 'Mental' merely means people who are headstrong. No asylums fall within the definition.

I noticed that for all the time your average leaders and workers spend they are concerned about physical strength and health, but when it comes down to it, mental health can mean much more. Particularly for overachievers and alpha males and then entrepreneurs, numerous articles talk and talk and talk about the  critical characteristics of mental strength—tenacity, “grit”, optimism, and an unfailing ability as Orbs contributor David Will.I.Am. says, to “fail up.” Up, up and away and I "wish" (hell I'm honest), not down like Prince Icarus for the sharks and his majestically-violent end.

That blubber aside, we can also define mental health by identifying the things mentally-healthy individuals actually do. After having a good lunch I was impressed by this list celebrating Army Marine, a psychotherapist and play-by-the-law (which is good) clinical social worker that she shared in Hacking Life (hmm). It impressed me enough that I’d also like to showcase it together with my Serious Business thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable to overachievers.

1. Wasting Time Feeling Sorry for Others. 
You don’t see mentally-healthy people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated that they've heard from their neighbours, colleagues, enemies (that are our friends) et cetera. They have learned to allow them the freedom to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not so fair. They are able to sidetrack from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned from reading about them be it socialist-based (no expenses paid) online articles, freely-distributed newspapers by a People's Servant in the subway, a motivation book found dropped or dumped on the streets et cetera. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well”, "Oh my (car/God/heaven/toe/none)","Not my fault." Or perhaps simply, readily and decisively, “Next!”

2. Adding to Their Power. 
Mentally-healthy people prefer taking from others (even without asking) the power to make them feel superior or good. They understand right after coming out of their mothers that they are mere getters (which may be confused for parasites) and they are in control of their actions and emotions when embarking upon this grandiosity or monstrosity depending on your perspective. They know their strength is in their heartfelt ability to manage and control the way they respond.

3. Embracing and Manipulating Change.
Mentally-healthy people embrace change like a lover (or lovers) and they ALWAYS welcome challenge—shoutout to the other alpha males reading this! Shying away is definitely not in their language. Their biggest “fear”, if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. MY 4S doctrine: Stable, Same, Sedentary, and Sleepy. An environment of change (especially political) and even uncertainty can energize a mentally-healthy person and bring out his best to exploit and torment it together with the never-changing organisms innit while having an adventure-of-a-lifetime—the stuff movies are made of for another win that comprises basically of laughing all the way to the bank in a chauffeured vehicle and in broad daylight where everyone can see it.

4. Expending Some Energy on Things They Can’t Control. Yet. 

Mentally-healthy people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, dictatorial  governments, appalling street fashion or especially about other people that are ugly, stupid, rude and worthless, as they recognize that all of these grim factors are generally beyond their care much less control, though social and material leadership and People's Love later could change all that and for the better. Life doesn't always have to win on them. In a negative situation, it helps to recognize that they recognize that the one thing they can always control while having fun is their own response and attitude, and they exploit these attributes well.

5. Hating to Please Others.
Know any people-pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position seems a good one, although the latter would win you more respect from the heavens. A mentally-healthy person strives to be kind and fair and to please only his benefactors, slaves and parents where appropriate, and he is unafraid to speak up when the situation calls for it. People like him are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate and circumnavigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace or ahem, through pure will and dominance. Not everyone is born with this though, so consult your local physician before attempting because nobody would be present to take responsibility from any injury or death resulting from your innocent but blind adherence.

6. Fearing Taking Calculated Risks by Default.
A mentally-strong person is unwilling to always take calculated risks which otherwise is a sign of fear—a severe mental disorder. This is quite akin to jumping headlong and headfirst into foolish risks, with uncovered asses too, which assuming you are still alive, your family members are as well and your house has not graduated to become a blown-up vacant plot of land somewhere between the unknown these may make for wondrous achievements other than the typical 15 minutes of fame for once in their lives. Regardless, always measuring and calculating is for the weak and useless despite stupid societal accolades from parrots and bootkissers in support of this movement, for great things outside petty management do not often happen that way. If you refuse to listen you will dread growing old and when you do you will be asking yourself the universal question of the cosmos: Why didn't I? Expounding on your self-stupidity is a short squeaky-clean passage (it's only one paragraph) below:

Once upon a time a palliative nurse (probably her colleague) recorded the most common regrets of the dying and compiled put her findings in a book called "The Top Five Regrets of The Dying." To sound cool I just shrug and say that it’s not surprising to see what made the list as they are all things that well, touch each of our lives as we struggle to pay attention to and make time for things that we truly love. Below is the list of each regret along with an excerpt from the book. At the bottom is also a link to the book for anyone interested in checking it out.

One thing on regret before we get to the list. It’s important to remember that whatever stage we are at in life, there is no need for regret. Except for not doing a good thing even better like giving 5 cents more for a tip, delivering extra strong language to a vermin, getting more perfects in video and fighting games, laughing at the cyclical follies of the world more often et cetera. The process of regret is one that provides nothing but suffering for ourselves as we begin to allow the past to dictate how we should feel now. Instead, we can use the past as a reference-point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward. The adjustments do not have to come out of pain, sorrow, regret or judgment, but simply a choice to do things in a different way. We are learning all the time—we can very quickly slow that learning process down by getting stuck in the idea of regret. When it comes to making changes, be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice for growth and rebirth.

6.1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”

6.2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

6.3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

6.4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

6.5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

Had your fun? With added mental strength, neglecting intangibles life life and family, an individual will only sometimes weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, along with the tired full assessment reports of the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action, because he is born to be alive.

7. Dwelling on the Past aka Good Old Days. 
There is remarkable Superman strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things, mistakes and unhappiness gained and learned from past experiences and even those before them—but a mentally-strong person is secretly able to revisit their mental energy in past disappointments (some of which are not really their business like I said) or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by, because the past makes the present and the present makes the future. They try to recreate at least a part of it and not lose themselves while investing the remains of their boundless energy in creating an optimal present and future and themselves and a  barely-minimal present and future for others.

8. Making Some of the Same Mistakes Over and Over. 
We all know the definition of clinical insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. Like a good judge a mentally-healthy person accepts a sometimes-partial and sometimes-full responsibility for past behavior depending on the environment and its circumstances and is willing to learn from mistakes while encouraging others to commit the same through all available material methods for the laugh, even though they are not above re-making some of theirs for personal amusement in High Definition to recall their old younger selves out of nostalgia, sickness of mind or whatever. Market research shows that the ability to be self-reflective and to self-flagellate and self-gloat in an accurate and productive way occasionally is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful, funny and unique overachievers, alpha males, executives and entrepreneurs.

9. Resenting Other People’s Success. 
It doubtlessly takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success even if they appear mammoth to one could ever achieve in his lifetime—take note and cheers journeymen! This is the basis of your music fans cheering in stadiums by the millions at the petty artisans they serially-enriched whenever a sold-out concert is held. Mentally-healthy people have this astounding ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when their idols and superiors succeed (although they may take close jealous notes on what and HOW the individual did well) as they are used to failing and when the beta-pretenders among them are just as immune they use these self-guidance tours to eventually triumph and excel over them and the rest that are beneath our discussion. They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts except those explicitly or implicitly ordered upon others on their behalf for the sake of public relations and male machismo irrespectively.

10. Giving Up After Failure.
Every failure is a chance to improve, even though sometimes it is also logically better to know when to quit. Treasure-hunting for the elixir and the fountain of youth other than cordless concrete building jumping are prime examples and even if you are that free you should still be a good kid and go find some better hobbies and not make your parents worry about you. Even but a few greatest entrepreneurs are willing to openly and publicly and freely admit that their early efforts to find them invariably brought may failures and a sense of zero achievement to commensurate their trials. Mentally-healthy people are unwilling to fail again and again on an extreme masochistic drive even if the learning experience from every “failure” can make them humble, feminine (gender bender quests require many many money and plenty of surgeries though)—they ultimately use their heads more to bring them closer to their ultimate goals.

11. Loving Some Alone Time.
Mentally-healthy people enjoy and even treasure the time in the world they spend alone with their collections, beauty and gadgets. Not glazing quietly at the fire as that is for troubled betas. They use their "down" time to enjoy, self-praise (mirrors don't crack before handsome alpha males like me), re-scheme, change plots and sleep. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods even though some coercion on several ego trips would be advisable and is ever-glorious. They can be happy with others when they are of use to them, and they can also be happy alone planning to use others (and more effectively for the very ardent) even though I stress using others is a naturally more-fulfilling exercise. Practical always beat theory.

12. Feeling the World Owes Them Anything.
Particularly in the current economy, overachievers and even your humble employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world DOES owe them a salary, a benefits package, slaves, beachfront properties, luxury items and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. And I reiterate that actually real men do, so they cosplay as vampires, pseudo-loansharks, taxmen, funky banksters (these commoners and betas sure are hyper stupid to make these money men they hate sound so trendy and hip) and Duff Vaders, beckoning from their favourite ivory towers and high buildings they could clear security access to scream "Owe money pay money!!!" and "I am here to collect!!!"—in a soothingly blood-curdling manner. Mentally-healthy people enter the world with this strong royally-entitled mindset prepared from young to work and succeed on mostly other people's merits systematically and parasitically, at every stage of the game. Without fail.
This is called the path of least (personal) resistance.

13. Expecting Selective Snail Results. 
Whether it’s a boring workout plan for the gym rats, an unexciting nutritional regimen for the incorrigibly-fat, starting a self-made business for the laugh, surviving round one in Street Fighter for the aspiring pro pro pros, or getting that supposedly Uptown Girl for the pickup artists, mentally-healthy people are “in it for the long haul” (God knows they aren't temps). They surely know better than to expect immediate results, except for the boring plans that they can then quickly re-evaluate and dump for interesting ones. They apply their energy and time in measured doses like laboratory researchers and scientists and they quietly celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way like grateful eunuchs. Nah I'm just joking. Every win is celebrated with pomp and ceremony before the next plot is being grandly hatched. They just keep on at what is fun until they get it. They have “staying power” as long as they remain on the "couch" and they know for sure that genuine changes take time, that Rome wasn't built in a day albeit all in a day's work, and that sandcastles can be built in the air with stardust and active imagination in lieu of construction companies and architects. And that somebody actually comes to make their dreams come true. It may be crazy to you but you know what I mean. With experience we alpha males know we can't move too fast to close the sales deal and against trade protectionism.

So do you have mental health? Are there elements on this list you need more of? Do you need more manly advice on being a man? With thanks to Army Marine, I would openly like to reinforce my own abilities further in each of these areas from today onwards. I promise. I swear! How about you?

Sunday, 17 November 2013

░▒▓█ I Almost Belted My Parrot

When it had a poor mastery of petty European languages and after hearing me call people "anus face" on the phone and in person it started calling the guests "a nut face" repeatedly. What an embarrassment!

Monday, 11 November 2013

░▒▓█ Tough Cookie Meets Cookie Cutter

Nah it's not the heavenly instrument of Venus aiding in the craft of beautiful and wonderful things - rather it's simply a real life equipment that's used to cut the hardest biscuits - literal and figurative - after triumphing over their ultimate brittleness. The handler being nobody noticeable but Real Life itself.

Not this or our developing-loop Blowjob Boy or his dumping dad you idiot. This pig that always makes me laugh whenever I see this picture is my good friend, but he is at best, Real Life's accomplice or at worst, just a part of it.

This my fellow humans, is Real Life for so many of you. Doubtlessly a familiar face. Hell it's pointless to say 'Wish You Were Here' but procedure must after all, still take precedent.

So I happened to be in the south when the Asian Cup debacle happened. Yoshi Yosh was there with his mythical Ma-de-In-Japan plastic Blanka doll that he sleeps every lonely night with and a potty but barely legal local Sakura cosplayer appealed to watchers online to go there as after the contest the gaming cafeteria in the same name that was founded by this year's world tournament champion and his "I don't know" commentator friend would close its shutters for good. Many of their own players were understandably saddened and from what I've periodically gathered a laptop theft occurred and the crazy evil pig was never found, a smart-aleck Serious Business player who never finished in any place in any of the stupid tourneys complained bitterly of rock-paper-scissors type opponents and another sentimental player decided to line Kinder Bueno chocolates on the table for the last day as "dinner" if not the last supper. And the billion-dollar-question as to why it has to cease operations: the accumulative US$4000 per month rental that even hardcore goers in all their quantitative glory could not help meet.

Needless to add this was mentioned in a sham gaming news bait site too. I found some interesting quotes which I am sharing with everyone below:

Disgruntled player Jayson619 said on November 10, 2013 at 6:03 p.m -
"Our Singapore government doesn't support pro-gaming; total crap! And if this comment gets removed for being offensive then I dunno what's going on for Singapore gaming anymore."

This may be true as my disciple had reported to me that Singaporean society does not support people in these activities - including bike stunts for he himself is an old hand - even if I noticed some people laughably fancying themselves as "elites" in them, instead placing an emphasis on studying hard and getting a job.

Just like everyone else. These digital National Treasures. (国)

Their elected ministers from have often in the past lashed out at them and the others as a whole for the national good and, assuming their leverage over them that the political dialogues perfectly described as the unthinking mob is like it was in the good old days if they were to say something about them it would surely again be provoking for most other sane people that are surprisingly humans. Bashing or tormenting these unemotional creatures is like beating up robots for they cannot feel anything and in the long term the pleasure becomes unsatisfying for the thrill-seeker.


People's Champion xianmsg said on November 10, 2013 at 6:13 p.m -
"Dear jayson the singapore government has done nothing wrong and have bigger things to worry about and take care of." His comment had the Mandate of Heaven in the form of multiple mortal likes.

This is what I respect about the People's Champion and Founder, where despite his apparent trial at damage control which is necessary in their environment that has always been unfavourable for political dissent he does appear to be a sensible young man who had not only put on weight (ie eat some more) but also, revealed that he can't be a pro pro pros in Street Fighter forever, which means he has to do something else with himself in his life. He knows that the mainstream that is as dumb as ever (hahaha) is not going to worship him like a god, he would hardly experience any handshake from the irreproachably-supreme leaders of his beloved nation, and he may have to rely on external individual effort to become an instant pickup success that is but mutually-exclusive to his competitive fighting gaming achievement. He did proud for his island-city, but it did not declare his birthday a public holiday for his video game pinnacle.

Like I have said just now and before, I do have a disciple in two established gaming legacies and he came forward to identify himself in such a capacity willingly and humbly even when I wasn't really in the mood for scouting anybody. I told him that Malaysia is also not very different and as we furthered with drawing the parallels we jointly concluded that Asia is just so conservative all and all unlike Japan where the people are polite, trendy and wacky. Yes it is the most Westernised and advanced of all Asian nations, and despite the wartime atrocity denials among other national mistakes the Japanese that benefited from Chinese and German influence nonetheless have a strict rigour for appearance and cultural etiquette and preservation as opposed to heart that I do appreciate to an extent.

So now that it is over I reveal that I have not even seen the place from its first day, even though I have in the years occasionally visited Parklane and its arcades. It is unfortunately populated with lots of loud and rude youth never mind their disgusting anus faces by default of their births, and recently, years after the last-standing arcade there closed down I still see older Indians (not the redskins) excitedly playing Counter Strike in those Local Area Network (LAN) gaming centers.

Great minds think alike. Money makes a difference as to whether you can enjoy the finer things in gaming life, or not. As you can see these terrorists and counter-terrorists are quietly looking for a way to strike it rich just so they can ALL get out of this blatantly non-life-changing and non-cerebral game.

Anyway the new abbreviation "fgc" (fighting game community) from what is inconceivable to those who are living and breathing with evidence of brains is scandalous and immature internationally, and I think golf looks more like a sport than video games where at least the participants OFTEN WALK to where they putt their shots unlike these incredibly-fat "fighters" sitting comfortably in a desk job position for hours pushing buttons. There used to be as many fat golfers but Tiger (not Sagat) Woods was a positively slim influence on the scene.

No two tigers can live on the same hill.

So saying this is just a game, but people just have this propensity in their idleness to make too much out of it, now going into the plain-water-drinking excitements of "frame data", tournament justifications of their laughable, unrecognized and fragile egos along with those other ignorable nerdy jargon and new balance talks. Lots of hot air and emotional exchanges. Just take it offline, with a cheer for the speaker!

Contrary to popular myth there was only one big miserable tough cookie in the entirety of the cookie jar and Corporate Pig only, showed it liberty to test with our good friend Real Life's cookie cutter. I reiterate that my funny human piggy friend did NOT get caught with his hand in the cookie jar despite being slow and fat and a pork barrel of laughs! 

It is regrettable that they closed down even after their stall was announced as a location test for the upcoming Ultra Street Fighter IV. That's letting their prized community down to the maximum, and the operators naturally owe an explanation to them for this state of development, helpless as they may be.

Friday, 1 November 2013

░▒▓█ I told him not to jump

Come on now. Nobody would give a flying penetration but you're so fat, and imagine what kind of a social impact you would make when you land hard on reality. It'd be a big crater, the traffic would be disrupted, the town council must spend taxpayers' money to allay the citizens, dig your broken bloody self out and repair AND CLEAN the roads, and, you know, the valuation of the property you took a concrete dive upon would fall like you do in value hurting homemakers and investors alike, causing them worry, fear and stress. Can you learn to bring some happiness to others?

Stop being selfish even in your abnormal last moment of your worthless occupation of life. Everyone knows you're a closet cocksucker Davie so what does it matter? You won't be martyred, even though I admit many people would rejoice and party and strengthen their alliances even when you've rightly taken your pain and retribution to hell that is your long-awaited comfortable home the demons have prepared nicely and kindly for you. This euphoria that you selfishly denied them is not to the extent of celebrating the death of a despot if that's what you're hoping for, so be realistic.

It's better to let your own mother strangle you live to death in her basement instead. You are destined to suffer for your own actions whether you feel anything or not, and you have no one to hate but yourself for everything that has happened. A follower and a beta trying to be a leader and alpha and being ignored and mocked by others after putting you on the backbench for also being a bad joke. What a piece of garbage work you are.