Friday, 27 April 2012

░▒▓█ A well-meaning and caring slogan I thought up for Ryu users and fans:

"Who do you want to try spamming fireballs from afar today?"
 See? In an epic move I have painstakingly added the pink sparkle typical in most Jap anime to show that something has gone afar but it's still there, and this breathtaking effect also shows the real bravery colour of his fireball. After more than 20 years of fireball spamming his opponents from all over the world with no utter sense of shame since 1987 he could now finally pull this epic shit off with utmost pride. And till now, he remains a respectable diehard virgin to boot.
Wwooooooowwwww.....

   
The determined (and ugly) look of an unbeatable virgin in the modern age. Pure anus face seriously. The rubbish blackberry hair doesn't help much either. Oh I can certainly see the burning virginal look in his eyes (coupled with the unhidden desire to spam fireballs for a sad excuse of a fight)... Photobucket  
Little Ryu throwing tantrums after an easy first win when he was young and similarly irresponsible. Photobucket
Dumbest move of his that I've ever seen.  Photobucket Pftt.
Now let's see that again in his original gi: Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
Yes, strike for the stars.
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He's so heroic and smart-looking, this oriental man. Photobucket
Striking for the stars in this fashion is not bad too Mr. Karate. The Kung Fu man in his pyjamas who just woke up without brushing his teeth (at least that's what he looks like to me) would attest to this.  

Another thing to note is that, after confusing his master for his uppercut for several years Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
How unfortunate that in-between the comedy in 1991 only the 16-bit home entertainment system version could get it right. Photobucket Another in-between where Capcom USA was tired of its own mistakes through the incessant jokes made about them on the Internet they finally made sure they proofread themselves when, yet another Street Fighter game was released in 2008 - only to be milked again three times over for all its worth like the equally-worthy EX, and III series. Be proud! Photobucket Never mind. he finally says something seemingly less confusing (at least to himself) 18 years later: Photobucket They really tried to put more force in his words by making him stand beforehand like a manhunt champion for so many consecutive years. Eeewww yuck! Photobucket "The answer lies in the heart of battle." And erm, not spamming? But in any case that still won't answer the question of your longstanding virginity. Unless it is in the heart of lovemaking. It is also heartening to understand from his revelation that all this violence from him that no doubt include turtling, trapping and fireball spamming is actually done in the name of heart. I thought they were just typical means to serve his own meaningless ends in this world. Oh and birds won't peacefully flock to land on him, but of course, they flock to land bird shit on him instead. :) The (nerdy) supervising designer of Ryu at the time has a few regrets over him even until now: "I think I overdid it a little. He should go out more, and the colour of his powerful fireballs, should have been pink for example, but I thought the conventional LPG blue would suffice." A prominent opponent that Ryu has easily defeated other than Sagat. And Ken. The win message is self-explanatory. Photobucket Definitely not the 1ST in the world to do it (marriage), but he is the 1ST among them to. And it (sex) happened so long ago... even before this bs formality. Photobucket Photobucket Same advice from his one and only friend in the world 12 years later. The longer you wait the harder it gets indeed! His name in Han Chinese characters is 隆, which means prosperity. However, there is an old Chinese saying: 浪子不招财, which means a wanderer does not attract any fortune or wealth. Probably the chosen name is more auspicious for the Company than for the Character as the latter is a scripted honorary virtual employee after all. Which similarly brings us to: Photobucket Photobucket In the old days of World Warrior being bashed up means being bashed up, and nobody looks pretty in that state including Ryu. Photobucket Photobucket However from Super Street Fighter II onwards the Company began to do some damage control for their lucrative mascot, and other than the exaggerated plastic surgery they made him go through to have those sharp features when his bluff is being called and he's being bashed up like the rest he actually starts looking like a fallen martyr unlike them who just look like they're being bashed up. And interestingly enough someone said it would be funny if an aircraft came in the way of the fireball. I reassured him that the aircraft would feel nothing and would even continue its course without a hitch simply because the irresponsibly destructive strength of his fireball has now been safely toned down from his notorious and nefarious days in Street Fighter I and World Warrior. The power of his light fireball in the 1987 Street Fighter debut game. Notice the high damage to his opponent. Pan Am would be worried. Especially the incident where one of their company aircraft actually exploded coincidentally over nearby Lockerbie, Scotland on December 21 1988. We ALL KNOW who did it. The power of his fireball in the 1991 Street Fighter II World Warrior game. It is still quite high on the lightest punch, but damage and points (5000 to 500) have been responsibly toned down to "encourage" "fairplay". Pan Am still needs to take a bit of precaution, as it happens to be their last year of operations and God also knows that they want to exit the commercial aviation industry gracefully.  
By the time Champion Edition was released in 1992 nobody gave a damn as Pan Am was no more (amusingly enough even its own infamous building that New Yorkers wanted to see destroyed most in almost all phone and street surveys was to be renamed by some, insurance provider called Metlife), and most other national and international airlines who firmly believe in the spirit of technological progress could now have their aircraft withstand being confronted by, weakened, fireballs from nowhere on air, thanks in part to Capcom's love of humanity and their observance of community and environmental responsibility in toning down Ryu's senseless and destructive power. Air travel became relatively safe again after that.
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Thanks Capcom!!  
A thank you also from Nintendo via their correspondent Big Al, the notoriously-emo leader of the prestigious Pilotwings Flight Academy. Also in World Warrior if any of you idiotas are capable enough to get to the car bonus stage you'd find that he needs not one but many many many more fireballs to bring it down:  
Hado Power One Shot FAIL. See? The car still looks brand new and intact!
 Second shot. Eh? So this is how far his hado fireball power goes against a picnic car, let alone against manned and unmanned aircraft. I'm scared of him. Photobucket
Can I rest my case now??? Photobucket Tough education from a B character who uses mainly his three basic special moves to win since 1987, right up to the present Super Street Fighter IV. Photobucket No he really doesn't look like an arrogant idiot. And when I think back at so many the AI's missed combos, wasted moves, mistimed jumps and taunting whenever he is about to get hit etc perhaps the Company is right to omit the grading, that I conservatively put at F++ as they don't want to embarrass themselves, let alone letting their programmed Ryu have the honour of doing so on their behalf, which would also tarnish the beautiful sayings they inserted into his robotic mouth for all of his lovers around the world. Photobucket Yes, at least he can understand that playing the snail-based Third Strike is a hardship that I've been trying to conquer. Even though it is true I got an S, SS and XS on Level 8 with the keyboard against various characters with Oro, Ken and Gill under normal play but the conqueror that is just me still find myself going back to truly enjoying the realer installments of Street Fighter III like Second Impact and the earliest New Generation, which are by logical and objective analysis, faster and better games. Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Unlike those brain-deficient anus face Third Strike fans (telling them they look smart and they look like Ryu is actually an exaggerated way of complimenting them, try it) that are confused and dumb cattle by contrast I can't lie to myself about this and I can't tell myself that I don't have a brain either. I just can't. Photobucket Come again B-Boy? More of a shoto cheap cheat? Photobucket Oh this is fun. It's a pleasurable way of deliberately playing a C and then telling your opponent he is even lower HAHAHA. Photobucket This is so true. I feel so empty inside even when I beat those Asian users of original Ken with original Balrog in Super Turbo in the arcades as well, let alone ST versions of Ryu and Ken. Even though I admit that I have long transcended S-Class, but these F-ffers make me feel D. I just feel they are shit. Photobucket
I vehemently oppose the notion that he looks absolutely stupid and retarded. When I got this ending in one of the games, I felt very sad. Where is the honest, well-meaning and dignified corporate warrior I used to know? Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
"Nobody can do karate better than Japanese!!!" says the new age and hip-looking guy. Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
His next challenge is run to a private area in the woods where the snakes won't chew his ass to change to his expensive but ugly sky-blue gi!! Photobucket
And make it back in time to appear at the ceremony after all!!!!! This widescreen poster can be found in every Ryu nerd's wardrobe. This has become their life and their religion (other than tier lists ssshhhhh), and has represented everything that they believe in. There's no changing their diseased minds. They say: "I live to spam fireballs everyday on all opponents regardless of skill! Don't EVER stop me!" Sure, have fun. ☆Here's something to keep you going: ☆This one is even more encouraging and it almost made me a Ryu fanboy: Gotta look for my red headband and original 1P colour karate gi and walk around looking serious and issuing challenges. See you born winners* and overachievers** later! * Just kidding. ** I'm serious!!

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