Friday, 27 April 2012

The "old masters" should stop crying

Seriously. Stop. Get a Kleenex each and every one of you and get over it. So fat, you guys.

Even though I like coin-operated machines myself, like arcade video games, jackpots, parking meters, geshapon toy machines (1980s), vending machines, public payphones, notes-for-coins exchangers, water gushers, etc, but I don't complain so much when some of them have changed, in design, for the worse, if not also gone and toned down entirely of character tandem, even though they are an occasional memory.

And I know you guys like coin-operated machines when you stated so, yes, but that's only in the video game context. That's how one-dimensional you freaks are.

Speaking about your 1980s arcade games, those were infamous times of hell. They were so not only because of the off-the-rocker difficulty but also, the insanity and inanity of repetitive challenges you people really embraced.

I have made a few observations about many of those games and I shall share them here:

Fact No. 1

They are extremely difficult.

Like I mentioned, most of them are born out of the desperation of arcade operators wanting to make lots of money off people including the gullible young, and video game companies eager to get into their good books obediently complied. The barbarism was toned down from the late 80s, and much from the 90s when games had better stories, more structured gameplay, memorable endings and are more reasonably attainable.

Fact No. 2

They have no storyline. The gameplay is primitive, and the stories are weak if not also betray a form of mental retardation from the designers. And even when you beat any one of them, you are either:  given a rubbishy cheap ending, brought back to the first stage, or given a rubbishy cheap ending AND brought back to the first stage. Almost invariably in that grand transition, they will in put ridiculous obstacles on the way and expects you to like and want to go through it. Never mind if everything else remains the same. And, oh no the later generation people will cry as they die many many times - it's not balanced.

But if that is anyone's real idea of fun then I shall have nothing more to say.

Fact No. 3

High score is everything.

Oh yes, ask any of these veteran wackjobs. Their sense of fun is not really in the game itself, but to survive, repetition, and go on. Very straightforward. Never mind that the stages are the repetitive same, and the game's main objective is carried out over and over, in every few minutes of gameplay. Save the girl at stage 4, and you save the same girl again on stage 5. No change. Made the escape at 1-3? You make the same again on 1-4, and 1-7 if you are boring enough and so on. Same goes for torching the donkey's ass, climbing up the perilous ship to get the girl, etc. This exclusive loop fan community has no protests as they have also biologically defied natural human response of nausea.

Many games at a later stage, like from the late 80s save those pretty-forgettable shooters, began to care less and less about high score nonsense as designers and programmers focused on the other more important aspects, even though the point register is still retained in almost all of them. And the only problem I see in this is nowadays, it is just way too easy to get on the top spot in terms of scoring against the default charts for the acitivity to become totally meaningless - you don't even need to pass the second round to get the top spot, which I think is pretty dumb. Lessen the intense focus, but don't drop it entirely to make it look like you obviously keep the feature just for the sake of it.

And people shouldn't believe these chumps when they said only the good about the the 1980s - it wasn't really a good time to be. People were ruder and more lawless, including at almost any entertainment joints where many complicated murders and fights had taken place (just google the news of that sick time). And many of them are from the rot of society. They talk loudly, they smoke (that explains why some of those machines had cigarette scars on them), they shout and use vulgar gestures when they lose, they smoke, they get angry and want to ask you for a fight if you're hogging the machine for too long (which also means if you're too good), all those kinds of things.  On a brief note it was amusing to see many of these gangsters enjoy Final Fight - they actually like using someone with stout principles that they can't be to go around the city to beat up their kind. And frankly speaking the denominations of people at arcade parlours are usually the negative types - triad members, school dropouts, juvenile delinquents, the homeless, the misfits, the lost, and the mentally-imbalanced. There is something wrong with these types, as my aunt had advised in my younger days and from what little I saw she was pretty right. No parents would want their kids to roam those places if they want the best for them, which is understandable.

It is interesting to note that as people became more civilised during the late 90s and beyond, the new generation of worthless organisms have mostly been reduced to your typical rubbish nerds and geeks talking smack from the side. I would like to stress at unlike what these veteran arcade freaks may assert friendship is rarely born out of cesspools, even if you would consider school to be one of them.

Then they blamed the Jap Nintendo for reviving the home video games industry (and in a way you can also say they support their compatriots Atari and Coleco in destroying the market with rubbish profiteering games, because then arcade would pull through and stay at the formidable top) in America, that progressively gave us many fun and unforgettable games, even if a few of them are ass too.