Monday, 27 October 2014

░▒▓█ 'No purchase until changes implemented,' says lepakking

Controversial self-based power player lepakking made the statement yesterday regarding Ultra Street Fighter IV's release for the personal computer. With the various problems previously covered by social media he was reportedly displeased, yet non-commital when quizzed about the "latest" Street Fighter game for public consumption.

"I am very disappointed with the level of dedication they have for the personal computer (PC) community," he revealed, coolly flipping his plate from the table into smithereens. "We are paying for it, we are not asking for what you American'ts call 'freebies'. Nice of you to articulate that properly. I want to say that we have dignity, and so I strongly feel we do not deserve to be treated in this manner."

Earlier on, some small-time fearmongering nosey-parkers took a picture of Microsoft's*** hastily removed update announcement for the notorious Games for Windows Live (GFWL) and with the assistance of several journeymen pen-pushers and bloggers who were under personal illusions that they were a deal also in social media and above even traditional media they all made a serial-like racket about it online tandem causing fear, unnecessary speculations and understandably, the weak both in mind and of course, skill, to collectively dump the GFWL version of Super Street Fighter IV: Arcade Edition ver. 2012 - a really long name to please the empty-headed non-socially-contributing ageing competitors for their money - for Steam** that Crap Con had announced the switch shortly after.

A myriad of problems and bugs concerning how the game ran was reported, and when the supposed deadline for suspected service termination was up Microsoft announced that it was going to continue supporting the service. Unfortunately, Crap Con afterwards insisted on the, haha, shift of paradigm - a pun on humbly-educated Japanese usage of English - that caused more of the same to be the case for Ultra Street Fighter IV. It was astounding considering how the personal computer release was pushed months beyond that for the obsolete kiddie consoles Sony PlayStation 3 and the Xbox360, that despite the extra time they were still incapable of getting it right.

"Now I hear they are working to address the issues their decisions and negligence have created," he explained. "The Omega version they offered just days ago for starters, is actually a rehash of the unofficial Rainbow Edition for the then-world-taking Street Fighter II, that naturally until today, isn't really for everyone.

"We have to respect the impotent hahaha! Nature's consolation brought them their Role Playing Games (RPGs) and their flash and aeroplane and other games bla bla blah! So we got to accept that. And while it (the Omega version) is less crazy than what many of us played in the so-called good old days the other thing about it that I like - especially for all the troubles borne by us that are none of our fault except to buy the game - is the fact that it is cost-effective.

"Of course the delinquents of that day as a fact tidbit mostly used Ken* which already totally demonstrated their unnoticeable value and use to the world, but that annoyance aside I want to stress that there would be no purchase from me until they are successfully implemented.

"To make a concession I don't seriously doubt their efforts, but primarily I want to see the problems fixed as in - no more complaints from the community - and then the Omega version that should compensate and could therefore be more properly enjoyed before I make the buy."

And the meeting was concluded when he showed us a picture he just finished drawing of a white-coloured pig with nerdy glasses sucking a goat's penis while taking another in its rear. The initials under the pig were "D.m".

When asked what that meant, lepakking casually replied, "This is our, ahem our, Blowjob Boy David "Nipplefuck" medina, using his mother's last name hence the small 'm'. America's Most Unwanted, a pure bastard anus face from the basket - which is gay as it is except his mother doesn't get the truth yet - as well as a failed troll, sexist and racist and ultimately, the most useless piece of dung I have ever seen. Speaking of dung I have to clean my eyes later as they are meant to look at better things from the realm of humans, and obviously, gods. I suggest you guys do the same and I hope the damage to your end - not meaning anything negative - was minimal."

*Cheap bastard American mongrel Ken and unbelievably, his less-polluted-looking-and-more-one-dimensional compatriot Guile were, by staff design - other than succeeding the earlier as-less-filth-ridden submission that was Captain Commando - were much more powerful than his other cheap bastard half Japan Ryu in their World Warrior debut, and even in the overclocked pirate mode of a revamp-cum-pseudo-sequel called Champion Rainbow Edition cheap Ken triumphs cheap Ryu again in terms of baby operations  - both in terms of character controlling and discharging a progeny impure or otherwise.

**Nothing suggestive or intelligent in the given term

***For the girls the name is self-explanatory

Monday, 6 October 2014

░▒▓█ Capcom Wants 2 Million Sales For a Game to Consider a Sequel

Yoshi Yosh in his revelations on Crap Con's true company policy is humble about market response and performance against his company's products, but he would maybe fall into the game over career zone if the sales didn't hit the mark continuously.

People saying 'good' on the streets and even on board meetings about what you are aiming at in the money world is something nice, but I strongly uphold the practical perspective that it is only meaningful if it would to the desired outcome for example, sales or it is just carbon dioxide admission and emission.

For example, I have a salesman acquaintance who came up with what he felt to be a brilliant business plan - I helped him with the aesthetics including language the automatic updater said he spoke to a lot of people and everyone virtually praised the idea - he got lines like "Good", "You're very good", "I've never seen something like this before" for openers but in the end he failed to utter any venture partner when I asked him further, and the dude's great vision and extraordinary plan towards financial supremacy and full debt repayment while systematically conning others along the way soon went to coal dust.

I knew it when his mother told me everything was just as it was and that he continued drinking nightly with the two other, yeah, overaged beta male overachievers I have no pride in the slightest association with. A really-pathetic collection of fallen dominoes.

That aside, there are sometimes when something doesn't pan out as desired I would blame myself - not just for appearance but also at heart. I would blame the team too, together with even the chairman and the shareholders, but I would also blame myself. And personally, I would take it that the market in its failure to show appreciation is reactionary and so in my response I would drop the venture entirely with total force on its unforgivable anus face.

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

░▒▓█ "'Men Descending into Madness' in Metal Gear Solid Victory were Actually Me," Says Hide-O Kojimama

Hide-O "Jim" Komimi, having made his latest round of shocking self-accusations at the Extremely Electronically Exaggerated show at the Bay of Pigs Area while provocatively putting out the infamous and hyper-potent 'v' sign that all Japanese high school and elderly girls after Win Ston Church Hill (who fathered mentally-winning Charlie Spleen) creatively and uniformly utilise is actually, on all accounts, the only-human reflection of what has gone awry in polite extremist carpet-sweeping Japanese society together with the now-bludgeoned economy non-cynically aiding its course. Other than having a sunny face that inspires fear, vomitation and procrastination in the red room he believed in the domesticated maxim "otaku dakara" when in fact he is actually "baka dakara". Keep the strut!

Using some lubricating oil he actually schemed to make another polished metal gear bot where one-eyed snake is now a shrivelled but respected octogenarian who still sneaks off once in a while to play in the jungle citing the need for engaging in some old-fashioned tactical espionage action against terrorists, hydroponics, free-market espousers as well as debt deniers – despite being repeatedly told by government agencies and praefectural physicians alike that he was "too honourable to present himself on the field" and that he should instead “take better care of his health”, “master gardening” and “listen to his mother”.

To be frank I dropped Hamlet, played and partied hard and ultimately obtained my hard-earned expulsion from school just to study Metal Gear because I find tailoring an interesting and more cerebral discipline than Literature. One man, his thoughts, his helicopter vision so corrupted by the world where black and white are no longer so distinguishable... and how he caved in so easily and mentally and fought his god-given right to heal.

Monday, 2 June 2014

░▒▓█ Stupidest News Caption Ever

Meanwhile, Brad Pitt is expected to have a more low-key visit after he angered Chinese authorities with "Seven Years in Tibet," which led to the star being banned from the country.

So how could Brad even make a low-key visit to China when he is banned? Either he enters the country as any visitor would after being forgiven, or he can't. Not doesn't. 

Or he could enter the country as an illegal immigrant, which defines the non-existent meaning of "low-key".

And Angelina doesn't have the clout or sway with the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) to get him with her to appear in China as well so what gives?

News outlets are nowadays trying too hard to make news while suspending intelligence and common sense at the same time. Newspapers are becoming movies.

Friday, 30 May 2014

░▒▓█ Candy Crush Saga's Q1 2014 Profits Crush Nintendo

As the leading Mayor of this Diabetes Temptation Land C12H22O11 this is what I do. 

Dad's right for introducing me to a better-selling game. It's not my favourite, but it sure beats playing those current Nintendo monstrosities.

Mario driving a Mercedes as opposed to the Volkswagen is a dream!

Candy Crush Saga in Q1 2014 has managed to make more money than all of Nintendo's software during the duration of the past fiscal year.

Things haven't been going well for Nintendo recently. While the 3DS has been selling well, the Wii U has continued with its habit of missing sales goals by wide margins and costing the company millions of dollars (like 465) in the process. Adding insult to injury, it's been revealed that Nintendo's profit margins may be facing some competition of the candy kind.

We're talking, of course, about Candy Crush Saga which, according to recent figures, earned more money on its own than all of Nintendo during the entirety of Q1 2014. The difference gulf between the two wasn't a small one either. Whereas Nintendo ended the fiscal year reporting a $455.3 million loss, Candy Crush Saga's developers at King earned a reported $641 million in profit, two-thirds of which has been attributed to the popular puzzle game.

Granted, comparing King and Nintendo is, in many ways, unfair. King isn't beholden to selling hardware the same way that Nintendo is. Likewise, while Nintendo is in-arguably in a rough spot right now, you could probably make a strong case for Big N's stable of long running franchises being more valuable in the long run than Candy Crush Saga which, in all likelihood, will probably be supplanted by some other super-addictive gaming phenomenon down the road. That said, it's hard not to look at information like this and not feel at least some mild shock at how badly things have been going for Nintendo lately.

When this company plan succeeds it looks smart because there are no hardware pairing considerations as the blasted mobiles and computers are effectively taken care of by hewlett, dell, samsung, apple, lg, sony, htc et cetera AND THEIR BUYERS, no related inventory storage space taking up precious resources and it seems to be even more profitable and moral than those casinos while not taking away that much money, tears and lives per person for it caters to people of all incomes, ages and statuses. And for free. Cheapskates rejoice! Yes!

Signs of Nintendo Going Down:
- It discontinued production of the Wii IN JAPAN just after a few years - a first in its entire history.
- It allows its latest installment in the Smash series to be an entree for nonsensical tourneys like evo DESPITE the cardinal idea of it being non-competitive and all fun.
- It NOW promotes a controller from an OBSOLETE system for it when they have never done such a thing before or cared about fighting games.
- It signed a deal with Mercedes to let Mario drive its latest model as a downloadable vehicle in Mario Kart 8.
- This is the SECOND pursuit of the ogreish Let's Play people for making money off playing and commenting on their titles badly to split viewer revenue where most other international companies don't, making them Let's Pray (together with the as-despised Feckless Gone Cases) for their survival nowadays.